Where’s Your Head At?
by clutch
Usually I’m far more concerned with the actual process of ‘doing’ than the reasons behind engaging in anything remotely creative, but recently, I’ve found myself asking “why?” with increasing frequency.
I’m far from short of ideas, to my detriment I feel, as being overwhelmed by the possible tangents has been a daily occurrence lately. I’ve always looked at forthcoming situations as opportunities to invent a new artistic perspective, and subsequently, usually a new project – but the trouble with this approach I’m finding, is that I now have a million and one things buzzing around my head, and the resulting confusion often results in inertia, which is then compounded by a relatively new, niggling resistance to getting it ‘wrong’. Several tentative first-steps, that despite however clear I envision the aim, remain incomplete.
I keep forgetting that, really, there is no wrong. In fact, I’m aware and (usually) relatively comfortable with the actuality that I get things wrong, or not quite up to scratch, more often than I’m satisfied with what I do. It’s worthwhile for me to remember that this is part of my process of progress. I have to work hard to get things right. Sometimes you have to work through and discard twenty shite ideas to get one half-decent skeleton of something to be expanded on. Drafts, prototypes, theories, whatever you want to call them – it’s groundwork for solid structures later.
Yet this nascent notion of “why?” is starting to creep into each aspect of approach to any given project. I’m unsure whether it’s insidious, or just omnipresent, and that I’ve just been oblivious to it up until now.
I’ve never sought reason or justification to start work before. It’s what I enjoy, and helps me make sense of so much. I’m not looking for things to be permissible or sanctioned, it’s more that the self-examination (navel-gazing?) has become so prevalent that it’s becoming more obstacle than tool.
Maybe it’s just a case of “pull your finger out”…
Have you ever experienced this? Perhaps it’s synonymous with working alone…?
Comments
I think it really is a part of working alone – possibly reaching a certain age and working alone too. I’ve seen it cropping up more amongst my peers recently (which is why I’m thinking it might be about reaching a certain age).
I haven’t really reached the Why? stage yet. I remain essentially optimistic and little triumphs each year make me feel some sort of progress is being made.
But I do have crashing collapses in confidence, probably monthly. I could see how these might progress to the question “why?” over time.
I think the thing is to just knuckle down again. It passes and sometimes better, you hit an ‘up’ patch. The skeletons of good ideas hit a higher ratio to bad and all seems well.
And then I sit here saying – I’m such an idiot, why do I go through that all the time, it’s self absorbed… until the next time.
This post really struck a chord with me. So much so that I couldn’t form my thoughts into a comment for a while (whether I have now may be open to debate too). I have struggled with “why” for many years leading to long periods of not creating anything.
For me the problem is somehow connected to the purpose of the work. When I was part of the academic music treadmill it was easy, I produced music for auditions, examinations and tutorial assignments. On occasion I got lucky and landed a commission to create music too. There was a purpose, or even an imperative to this and that was enough to make me work.
In the end the insular nature of that world repelled me. There was no longer enough purpose in it. Probably combined with the realisation that I was in a funnel that felt limiting even if I was lucky enough to get tenure at a conservatory one day.
Collaborating with other people working in different media became a way to create a purpose to the work. In many ways I got a great deal out of that and it was as much financial pressures as artistic ones that forced a change of tack.
I don’t know if purpose is an issue for you, but that’s what the question “why” makes me think of particularly combined with the idea of getting it “wrong” somehow. Creating anything is a complicated process and once the meta-process is breached it becomes very complicated indeed.
The advice that has been the most help to me was from an interview with John Adams where he drew a parallel between a composer and an athlete. For him a composer/musician needed to stay in shape in terms of keeping their creative muscles strong and limber. The problem is perhaps identifying those muscles.
I think “pull your finger out” is far to pejorative. Creating is not easy. As well as the artistic and technical skills you need a great deal of courage to communicate in this way. I can understand the frustration of the statement but suspect the solution lies in another direction.
Good luck.